The Last Supper
M. Abduh
6 November 2025

Before I went plant-based & became one of les misérables, people would tell me, “Cut out red meat. Eat more fish. It’s healthier.” Then I read that the actor Jeremy Piven had been hospitalized for mercury poisoning. From eating fish. I thought, What was he eating, thermometers? Mercury or not, I never liked fish. But I loved cheesesteaks. Turkey hoagies. Five Guys burgers. Buffalo wings. To be even more candid, I didn’t much like vegans either. They always seemed so self-righteous. 

I was seeing one once. Hand her a menu, & she became the most sanctified diner in the eatery. She thought avoiding 40% of the food chain somehow made her deep. One night at dinner, I ordered a steak—well done, I might add—& she got to arguing with me about my selection. She peered over her glasses like my second-grade teacher, Ms. Cherry, & said, “You do know how harmful animal fat is, don’t you?” 

“Well, I do now. But I’m a little confused.”

“About?” she said.

“Well, if cow fat is harmful, & they eat grass all day, what does that say about leafy greens?”

I laughed. She didn’t. 

She stared at the menu, then ordered the same thing she always did: a salad with “vegan” raspberry vinaigrette. Why must vegans put “vegan” in front of everything? Raspberry vinaigrette is raspberries, oil, & vinegar. No animals were harmed in the making of the dressing. I almost  expected her to ask for a bottle of vegan Perrier & a vegan fruit salad for dessert.

Fifteen minutes later, the waitress came back & said they were out of lettuce. Out of lettuce. They had to send out for it. I figured  no one had ordered any in weeks.

Finally, when the food arrived, I waited for her to take a bite. “I thought you didn’t eat anything that came from animals?”  

“I don’t,” she said. 

“What do you think they fertilize that lettuce with?” 

It was our last supper.